Pamela's Page

My sorrow over the loss of my son, SPC Brian P Shaver, just a few short months after returning from Al Yusafia and Falluja Iraq, is taking me on a journey I never even dreamed existed.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of him, cry for him, and kiss his picture. Brian was my oldest child. I prayed for God to give him to me.

Once a woman discovers she is with child, there is no other love so deep. Everyone knows "MY baby is the prettiest", "My baby minds and does real well", "My baby did his first potty at 10 months".

They are our pride and joy. No matter how hard it gets to prevent them from getting a piercing or a Tattoo, driving too fast in a car, keeping the wrong kind of friends...the love in our hearts never, NEVER, changes for them.

I grew up with Brian for 12 years before my second child was born, 14 years by the time the third child arrived. Brian took to those children like they were his own. He also has two half sisters in Kentucky whom he loved dearly.

I had turned 21 just two weeks after Brian was born. He was my rock, my reason for working, my reason for breathing, my reason for trying to build a future for him so that he would have those things I wanted him to have, and more.

You do your best to raise them, inform them of the dangers in the world, to look for true love, to be brave enough to take on a challenge, to play fair, and above all, to trust God. You teach them honesty, to take pride in all they do, and love one another.

When our children are taken from us by death, the pain is unbearable. The tears will fall, you'll try to think of some way that you could have changed things. You'll feel guilty over things you had no control over. You'll question yourself over and over again.

You'll feel that you failed them, and then one day you'll look back and say "They stood for what they thought, and believed in with all their heart, was the right thing to do". THAT is what you gave them, what you taught them, what you showed them by your own deeds.

That knowledge doesn't take away the pain, but it uncovers the Pride in your heart for your child that was so clouded over with agony it could not shine though.

This Blog is about all three of my children. All answers to my prayers to God. This blog is Dedicated to the memory of my son, SPC Brian P Shaver, 167th Combat Infantry, Pelham Alabama.

My remaining children, "Cody" Christen, my 18 year old daughter, and Andrew "Tyler", my 17 year old son, are by my side. They hurt over the loss of their brother just as much as I do. It's time for me to acknowledge their feelings, because, for the past 34 months and 10 days, it was only my own grief that I have experienced and spoken of.

Hopefully, in some way, someone reading this will find comfort, have peace, know they did their best, and will fall on their knee's and praise God for being CHOSEN to be given those special souls to raise.

Mary was chosen to birth Jesus. Elizabeth was chosen as the Mother of John the Babtist. YOU, were "Chosen" to raise your children.